Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Model Composition: Fire

Fire

Q: You and your father were at a crowded supermarket. When both of you were queuing to pay for your groceries, you heard the fire alarm go off.


It was a Saturday morning, April 14th. It is a splendid morning, and my father and I were planning to go to the nearby supermarket to buy some ingredients for making a birthday cake for mum’s birthday. We left the house and ambled along the streets with our hands in our pocket, thinking about what ingredients we needed for the cake.

     Soon, we reached the supermarket. It was bustling with enthusiastic housewives, many early birds were hovering around discounted food items, there were long lines of queues yet nobody seemed to mind at all. “And yet I thought we were early,” I told my dad, who nodded in agreement. My father and I grabbed a trolley and made a beeline for the bakery ingredient section. I was already feeling claustrophobic as we attempted to avoid the busy shoppers, and was relieved when I realized that section of the supermarket is deserted except for a few wandering shoppers who seem to had lost their way in this gigantic building. Rows and rows of different brands of sugar and flour seem to be greeting us. My father and I were flabbergasted by the selections of choices.  When we reached the end of the aisle, we saw a young boy not more than 5 years old playing with a few matchsticks. Dark circles formed a circumference round his eyes and added the years onto his boyish face, he was decked in a yellow t-shirt and brown jeans. His parents are nowhere to be seen.

     “Young boy, you should not play with fire matches, it is very dangerous as there are many goods here that can easily catch fire,” my father warned him out of good intentions. The young boy mumbled a ‘yes’ and scurried away to another side of the supermarket. “Nowadays, children do not understand the consequences of their actions, parents should have done their part and taught them well,” my father sighed, shaking his head.

After a long time pondering on which ingredients we should buy, we immediately hurried to the line of queues to pay for our groceries, afraid that we would not be able to finish baking the cake in time before mum comes back from work. “DING……!” The sharp shrill of fire alarm reverberated through the entire supermarket building. Many people let out bloodcurdling screams and for me, I was so petrified that my hair stood on end, all traces of lethargy disappeared. Out of nowhere, someone grabbed my hand, and it took a moment for me to realize it was my father. Together, we dashed out of the supermarket’s exit. When we got out of the supermarket, I got the greatest shock of my life. Fire had spread itself throughout the whole building like locusts destroying everything in its path, everything and anything that could be burned was fried in the fiery cauldron of yellow flames. The fire sang a grim tune triumphantly as it burnt.  The entire supermarket was covered in a thick gloomy blanket of smoke. Sparks and flying splinters hit us. I could feel my own pulses and my heart palpitating as the orange clutches of fire wrapped its fiery fingers around the whole supermarket building. There is a thick repugnant scent as we waved away the smoke as best as we could and looked in the building with our hearts in our mouths.
I looked around, in the midst of panic, nobody seemed to have called the fire brigade, so I fished out my hand phone and dialed the fire department. Meanwhile, the roaring flames escalated ferociously when aided by strong winds.
Fortunately, the wails of sirens of the fire engine could be heard. Within minutes, the policemen also arrived, followed by paramedics. We were quickly ushered down to a safer place but also with a good view of the fire where more paramedics arrived to check on us to see if we had suffered any ill effects of smoke inhalations. Meanwhile, the firemen battle the blaze heroically.
After about ten minutes, the fire had ceased. Even though debris and rubble were what was left of the supermarket and the furniture store, my father and I were glad that no one had lost their life during this fire!
     In the end, our groceries were all burnt and hence, my father and I went to a bakery shop and bought a cake instead to celebrate mum’s birthday. When I told mum about the fire, she even praised me for calling the fire department!

    The next day, I read the newspaper and found out that the young boy with the brown jeans playing with the matches was the culprit. He had accidentally dropped the matches on some goods and the fire had spread throughout the entire supermarket building. When my father saw the newspaper, he spouted some words which would be etched in my mind forever. “Son, you must learn never to play with fire, it will not do you good.”









87 comments:

  1. Nice :) Well Written Man!!Maybe more a little more description of the fire But ANYWAYS ITS A BRILLIANT WORK THERE!!

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  2. Vocabulary is awesome, but could you please apply more phrases about fire? Thank you!

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    1. What is this -Fire had spread itself throughout the whole building like locusts destroying everything in its path, everything and anything that could be burned was fried in the fiery cauldron of yellow flames. The fire sang a grim tune triumphantly as it burnt. The entire supermarket was covered in a thick gloomy blanket of smoke. Sparks and flying splinters hit us. I could feel my own pulses and my heart palpitating as the orange clutches of fire wrapped its fiery fingers around the whole supermarket building. I guess you want the description to be one whole compo??

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    2. thats great providing ' My heart stopped momentarily'

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    3. That's so mean!

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  3. Some parts of the story are not even relative to the composition. Need to use more descriptive phrases and must be written more specifically. Moral of the story would be better. ANYWAYS, BRILLIANT MY FOOT LA.

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    1. not "would be better" but "should be better" and what is that "la" at the last sentence for? Work on your English. -.-

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    2. use more metaphors/similes too...

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    3. Should be better* == LAH? WTF IS THAT?

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    4. a cow goes moo

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    5. You would get around 29-32/40 as you didn't elaborate more on the fire. Morever I don't understand why when the boy was playing with matches other shoppers didn't see him since you say it was crowded. Anyway great compo could be better.

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    6. Stop the criticism motherfucking bitch!

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    7. good , good but i need more...sorry hor'.

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    8. very useful source!

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    9. fuck your mother bitch

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    10. I know you might not get what you wanted but there is not a need to say broken english or anything else...and please calm down.

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    11. Shut up this is a good compo

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  4. you go,this is so awsome!!!!!,if my teacher were to correct this she would give you a 35 or 36 out of 40

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  5. this compo sucks seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the writer of this compo pls note that if my teacher were to mark this , she would only give an 11 out of 40

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    Replies
    1. Stop the criticism bitch!

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    2. you criticized him by calling him a female dog

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    3. A PSYCHIATRIST from IMHAugust 24, 2014 at 6:44 AM

      Well, if your cher was to really give an 11, then im afraid your teacher could have been drunk or a kid that graduated from kindergarten. If she is an moe and bachelor's degree certified, please tell her to visit this place cause she really needs help -Institute of Mental Health, Address: 10 Buangkok View, 539747
      Phone: 6389 2000

      Do help your cher

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    4. good idea! call the police too... i wanna see that guy guilty of cyber bullying...
      XD

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    5. hell no asswipe this is a vey good compo.

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  6. More writing tips and ideas here, plus advanced model compositions:

    http://psleenglish.wordpress.com/

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  7. you should have gave more phrases about the fire...

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  8. The composition was still ok... Maybe a 20/40? More description needed on the fire part....

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  9. Maybe a 31 out of 40?

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  10. Lack of phrases, but still ok. Perhaps a 29 out of 40.

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  11. It just looks like a ordinary compo. Maybe a 25/40. Need more phrases to describe fire. And why would a boy be playing with matchsticks where there are so many people? I don't get that part.

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  12. EXCELLENTAYYY ARRIBAROOBAR ASMNXMN

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  13. I think that , for your composition . At the part where the firemen appeared and the part about the fire breaking out , you should develop it more. Because that is the climax of the story. If you want to get higher marks , you have to describe how the firemen put out the fire , and maybe you can put yourself as a "hero" in the story so that it can be more action-packed and you can develop your story more.

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  14. eleborate more on the fire

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    1. Whats this -Fire had spread itself throughout the whole building like locusts destroying everything in its path, everything and anything that could be burned was fried in the fiery cauldron of yellow flames. The fire sang a grim tune triumphantly as it burnt.the orange clutches of fire wrapped its fiery fingers around the whole supermarket building. Hmmmm, i guess you want the description to be the whole compo right?

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    2. you took it from the phrases book rite?

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  15. sry for the spelling error

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  16. jebUIQVHIADBUIbfiqFBhadbyhdbgyhd vhfveefvhyfedvgefvefvEFVEFEFEFFHEFHEH

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  17. plot is too cliche
    he could have rushed in to save boy or something

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    1. Apparently the father does not have the role as a fireman. If that was written, the plot would have been even more cliche

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  18. Quite well written!:D Perhaps at little description on the fire would make it better. You can get around 32-34/40

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  19. Guys: Stop the criticism! Only Criticise If You Can write a BETTER Composition! Stop pointing out other people's faults and improve yourself first!

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  20. okay... it is good... i would give 32...

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  21. I would write a BIG failure on her compo


    Reason: it sucks like hell

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    1. Stop critisising you bitch

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    2. but you criticized him by calling him a female dog -_-

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    3. I think your brain sucks like hell

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    4. i think u graduated for kindergarten!

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    5. and i think u guys should shut up

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  22. Nice work here! only part I think can be Added in (no offence if you think you have done enough) is more feelings... I would give you 32!. Good luck to you for exams!

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  23. Well i dont really get why you guys are criticising this compo as it was pretty well written. this definitely deserves a 33 as her use of vocab is strong. For plot wise, it was still awesome. Don't get why many people says that this was lousy or that if a teacher was to mark this, it will deserve a 11 over 40. Well, if a your cher was to really give an 11, then im afraid your teacher could have been drunk or a kid that graduated from kindergarten. I also wonder if some of you are blind. Many say that it needs more description of the fire. So whats this- Fire had spread itself throughout the whole building like locusts destroying everything in its path, everything and anything that could be burned was fried in the fiery cauldron of yellow flames. The fire sang a grim tune triumphantly as it burnt. Yeah, totally not a description rite?! Just a reminder, think straight ( dont be drunk ) and read ( not glimpse ) the compo properly before commenting.

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  24. I don't think a match stick can wipe out the 'whole' supermarket

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  25. Though this composition has flowery vocabulary, the plot is too average. The 'I called the fire brigade and they arrived in minutes' is too cliched. Also, there are hardly any complications. The plot is too smooth. Also you need to give snippets of information to make it more suspenseful then giving it all out. Good,but average. Most likely a score of 31 or 30,32 being the most lenient.

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  26. I think that this is an excellent piece especially as u were only 12.Besides, u must have been revising ur psle at that time. (Im p6 this year) good job and ignore all the critisism by people who did not know better! ♡

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  27. Thank you so much!��It certainly help me alot!����Anyway im having my psle this year.So ya...����

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  28. I would like it if you would write one in a house instead.But this is by far the best work I have ever seen.Keep up the good work.I am only 9 years old.

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  29. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

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  30. At least better than mine by 100000 times

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  31. I am a noob taking my PSLE this year.
    Any idea helping my worst subject,english ?

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  32. nnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnooooonnnnnoooooonnnnnooooo

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    Replies
    1. SHUT UP U MOTHERFUCKER BITCH

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  33. isuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuck

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  34. Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodcompo. Thumbs up!

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  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  36. jhhsjsjsjsjssjjsjjsjsaiauuaauaiuiugiyoyoyoyyouyouyioiuoiuoiuoiuoiuoiuoi PSLE SUCKSSSS

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  37. Quite well written.

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